mindset | Mom Life By Design https://momlifebydesign.com helping moms calm the chaos inside so they can show up more present for the chaos outside Fri, 16 Feb 2024 16:52:30 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://momlifebydesign.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/cropped-etsy-logo-bw-3-1-32x32.png mindset | Mom Life By Design https://momlifebydesign.com 32 32 Who’s Got Time For Self Care? https://momlifebydesign.com/whos-got-time-for-self-care/ https://momlifebydesign.com/whos-got-time-for-self-care/#respond Fri, 16 Feb 2024 16:52:19 +0000 https://momlifebydesign.com/?p=2962

As a mom, you’re told to take time for yourself. “You can’t pour from an empty cup!”

And yet you keep pouring. You’re too busy putting everyone else’s needs above yours.

You keep thinking you need a break. A moment to catch your breath and think a thought.

But that to-do list never ends, someone always needs you, and you just feel so depleted.

What are you supposed to do?

I have a great place to start, but before we dive in, let’s talk about what self-care truly is.

We’ve been fed a lie that self-care is pampering and indulgence. And on the other end of the spectrum, people try to sell basic hygiene as self-care for busy moms. I don’t think we have to swing wildly either way – there’s a sweet spot right in the middle.

My simplest definition of self-care is anything that feeds your soul.

Our to-do lists are full of tasks that move the needle, but devoid of things that are soul nourishing. If you’re ready for a change, here’s where I start.

1. Check Your Thoughts

Your thoughts hold so much power. The way you tell yourself the story of what you’re experiencing creates all kinds of emotions within you. Are your thoughts serving you and creating what you want?

For example, if you’ve got the thought “Nothing gets done unless I do it” playing on a loop in your head, you’re training yourself to look for all the ways this thought is true. This probably builds up emotions of frustration, resentment, and pressure. You keep doing all the things – but with bitterness – and this seeps out on your people.

What if instead you practiced a thought like “I do things better from a place of rest.” You can find evidence for this thought too. It’s not that one thought is true and the other is false – but that you get to choose where you focus. This thought brings more peace and allows you the space to take a moment while in the middle of a busy day.

2. Determine What You’re Wanting

When you say you need a break, what do you mean? What do you need a break from? What would give you life in this moment?

We often don’t take the time to actually consider what we’re wanting in this break we say we need, and we just fill it with a mindless activity like doomscrolling that doesn’t fill our soul.

Do you need rest? Quiet? A moment of fun? Creativity? Laughter? What is it, right now, that you’re wanting?

3. Make a Plan

Once you answer the questions above, you’re in a great place to make a plan, because you know where you want to go.

Just like you make a to-do list of all the things that need to be taken care of, you need to be taken care of too.

What are you going to to for self-care? Where will it go in the schedule? What do you need to have prepared?

4. Keep Your Word to Yourself

Most importantly, do what you said you were going to do. Become a trustworthy person to yourself – someone who makes a plan and follows it.

If you need a jumping-off point for a few self-care ideas, here are some of my favorites:

    • When the kids are present/with you: go for a walk, color, dance party, play a game, tea party, nature scavenger hunt, tell jokes, sing
    • When you need a time out: put on a show and do something nourishing for yourself (not catch up on tasks, work, or doomscroll): listen to a podcast or book, your favorite music, read, do something creative (paint, draw, color, bake etc), journal
    • When you tap in someone else to care for the kids: take a bath, catch up with friends, make and enjoy a mocktail, meditate (The Balance app is a great resource to start), feel your feelings

Only have 5 minutes? These will help, Mama!

Grab the “Inner Peace Cheat Sheet: 5-Minute Rituals for Busy Moms” for five simple practices you can start today!

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5 Powerful Mindset Shifts for More Peace in Motherhood https://momlifebydesign.com/mindset-shifts-for-moms-for-peace/ https://momlifebydesign.com/mindset-shifts-for-moms-for-peace/#respond Tue, 05 Dec 2023 17:51:25 +0000 https://momlifebydesign.com/?p=2903

It’s no secret that motherhood is both incredibly beautiful and overwhelmingly hard in the same breath. You know it well – not only do you wear a multitide of hats (and wear them well, mama!), you’re running on coffee and adrenaline because sleeping through the night is something you only vaguely remember from the past. It seems like everyone needs you all the time, and you’re constantly running from one demand to the next, leaving you feeling stressed and exhausted.

While we can’t change many things about motherhood, we can change our focus and what we think about. Our thoughts create our feelings, which influence our actions. If you’re after more peace as a mama, here are five mindset shifts you can begin to practice today to move from overwhelmed to in control.

a woman in sunglasses smiles as she walks through sunlit trees with text overlay of the words " 5 mindset shifts for more peace"

Mindset Shift 1: What You Focus On Matters

I am for my children, not against them.

Your mind finds what it’s looking for. Each moment, we put it on a mission with our thoughts and focus. As we have thoughts, it starts to look for all the things that make those thoughts true.

In a world that sees busyness as a badge of honor, our to-do list can easily take top priority in our lives. We feel rushed and pressured to complete all the things. And our children operate in what feels like direct opposition to this list.

Your kids want your presence. They need things from you. They make messes and have energy to burn. All of these start to feel like attacks on us personally. “Don’t they know I have to get these things done?”

When we misalign our priorities in this way, our children become the enemies to what we are attempting to do.

I’ve been intentionally practicing the thought, “I am for my children, not against them.”

It reminds me where my allegiance truly lies and helps me to zoom out and focus on the bigger picture.

Mindset Shift 2: Believing Your Purpose

I am just the mom my kids need.

Comparison is an easy but dangerous trap to fall down. All the information on Google and the highlight reel we constantly see on social media make us feel like we don’t have what it takes in this moment, in whatever parenting struggle you’re facing.

The truth is: your kids are yours for a reason.

No one has the specific gifts and skills you do or the temperament you do. No one else moms like you do. And while that might feel like a burden more than a gift, your uniqueness was created to pair with your children’s uniqueness.

It doesn’t always feel like it, but no matter what, you’re equipped for the family you have. This doesn’t mean you have all the answers or do things perfectly, but that you have what it takes to show up in each moment.

You are JUST the mom your kids need.

Mindset Shift 3: Understanding Your Intrinsic Value

I don’t have to do anything to have value.

It’s easy to feel like we have to earn our worth. Motherhood is an often thankless job – both inside and outside the home.

We know how hard we work – not just in the tasks, but the emotional and mental labor. But in an unconscious attempt to be seen and appreciated, we often take on more.

Doing more doesn’t mean you have more value. It just perpetuates the cycle of striving to earn validation and exhausting ourselves in the process.

Mama, you have so much value simply because you exist. You were created by a Creator with a purpose and attention to detail. You don’t earn more value by doing – you are valuable because of who you are and who created you.

When we work on shifting our mindset, we get the privilege and honor to see and appreciate ourselves. We get to support and cheer ourselves on because we decide what we focus on.

There’s nothing you can do to add more value to who you are. Embrace what a gift you are, just as you are.

Mindset Shift 4:

It’s good for me to rest.

Self-care isn’t selfish.

It can be hard to believe if you’ve internalized other messages, like other’s needs are more important than yours, or you are the only one who can do these things that need to be done.

While this may be true some of the time, it’s certainly not true all of the time.

When we look to the scriptures, we see that God rested and set an example for us. Because of who He is, He doesn’t need rest. But because He created us, He knows we do.

Rest is also an act of surrender and trust, acknowledging His plan over our to-dos.

True self-care is taking time to recharge your batteries – whatever that looks like for you. We have to plug up to our power source to be able to continue on.

Everything and everyone works better once they’ve powered off for a bit.

You were made, by design, to rest.

Mindset Shift 5:

I am a human having a human experience.

Perfection isn’t the goal in life and motherhood – simply becoming more at ease with all your humanness is.

When we let go of this idea that the pinnacle of success is perfection, and instead peacefully acknowledge all the ways we are human, we get to be so much more present with ourselves and our children.

As emotions come up throughout the day, as they will do, we get to have so much love and compassion for ourselves just like we do others.

There is no such thing as a bad feeling. They’re just little messengers, a notification to check. We can allow them, be present with them, and listen to what they have to say.

If you experience feelings you’ve told yourself for so long that moms “shouldn’t” feel, the temptation is to stuff them down and hide them, pasting on a happy face to power through.

I just want you to know that no matter what you’re feeling, nothing is wrong with you, and you’re not alone.

You’re a beautiful human, experiencing a full range of human emotions, and learning to allow and listen to them.

Putting These Mindset Shifts Into Practice

If you’re thinking, “Sure, all this SOUNDS great – but it will never work in reality,” I get it! Seriously, I’ve been there. But I’ve watched over and over again as I’ve been able to create what I desired, starting with my mindset, and had the joy of watching my clients experience it too. The secret sauce is intention and repetition.

Your brain has kept you alive with these old thoughts that aren’t serving you for a long time. It will continually go back to those, because it’s trying to conserve energy and keep you alive, and doing the same old thing will satisfy those desires. You have to be intentional about gently correcting it back to where you want to go as you create new patterns.

  1. Start each day by looking at what’s there

Spend a few minutes each day uncovering what’s going on in your brain. Left unsupervised, our brain can take us all kinds of places we don’t want to go – so we get to take control of our thoughts. Set a timer for 3-5 minutes and write down everything happening. Process those feelings attached, and with intention, choose your new thought to practice.

  1. Keep your new thought close by

Set a reminder on your phone for your new mindset shift to pop up every couple of hours. Write it on a post-it and leave it somewhere you look at often. Set yourself up for success by intentionally reminding yourself of this new thought you’re practicing.

  1. Give yourself grace

Knowing that you’re going to default back to your old mindset habits, hold space for this and don’t beat yourself up when it happens. New patterns take time to stick, and we can celebrate the tiny nuggets of progress along the way instead of demanding perfection.

 

Take it Deeper: Find Your Inner Calm

Grab the “Inner Peace Cheat Sheet: 5-Minute Rituals for Busy Moms” for five simple practices you can start today!

Start today

Take the First Step

 It’s easy for moms to get stuck in negative thought patterns in the middle of the mundane. To start creating the life you desire, you need some new thoughts to practice. I’ve created a list of new thoughts for moms to create more joy in their lives today – grab it here!

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Keeping Your Word to Yourself https://momlifebydesign.com/keeping-your-word-to-yourself/ https://momlifebydesign.com/keeping-your-word-to-yourself/#respond Tue, 28 Feb 2023 17:27:50 +0000 https://momlifebydesign.com/?p=1616 Keeping Your Word to Yourself
image of open planner on a computer desk, with a hand holding a pen resting on the pages. items have been written in each day. Text across the image reads "Keeping Your word to yourself"

Planning is Partnering with God

I’m not a planner by nature. I enjoy allowing the day to unfold as it will, leaning into what I feel great about, and avoiding the things that aren’t vibing with how I feel. I don’t like feeling boxed in or being bossed around by a to-do list. I’d much rather feel my way through the day!

The problem is that our feelings often lead us astray if we allow them to be the driver. 

I have a holy calling, a purpose given to me by God himself. When I don’t prioritize that in my life because of circumstances or how I’m feeling, I’m allowing myself to become an idol that keeps me from serving and worshiping Him wholeheartedly. 

It’s easy to put things off, again and again, until they don’t get done. 

When we pass doing what we’re supposed to in favor of doing what we want, we’re rolling a snowball down the hill. It continues getting larger until it’s unwieldy and out of control. 

Psalm 90:12 says “Teach us to number our days, that we may present to you a heart of wisdom.”

We learn to number our days from His instruction, allowing us to gain wisdom that we can then give back to him with our whole heart. When we understand that this life is finite, and that everything we do is for His glory, we can get on the same page with what God is doing. 

Planning is my way of participating in God’s plan for my life. My allowing space and time on the calendar for what He’s called me to do.

By looking at my planner, I can tell if I’m agreeing with God or walking contrary to the purpose he’s given me. Right now, my purpose is wife, mama, homeschool teacher, coach. Are these roles reflected in what I plan to do this week?

How Do We Plan?

There’s no one right way to plan, except consistently. Whatever works for you is a great place to start. Planning is also a fluid thing – it’s not rigid. Don’t be afraid to start one way and switch to another as you practice.

I start by brain-dumping everything in my head. Our brains aren’t meant to hold all our information. We quite often use them as filing cabinets instead, which slows us down and can leave us feeling paralyzed with information overload. 

You know how your computer runs slower when you have all those tabs open in a few different browsers? Our brains are the same. We’ve got to clean up the mental clutter, and a big brain dump helps us to let go of all those little things taking up valuable space because we can trust they will get done when they’re on paper. 

When I brain-dump, I get everything out – from the household tasks that need to be done to the big picture items that God has called me to. 

Often, once we get all the things that must be done out of our head, we realize many of the tasks are quick action items, and many aren’t urgent after all. They just felt heavy and urgent because they were occupying valuable brain space. 

Most likely there will also be a few things in your brain dump that are either too large to be completed as is, or a vague idea of something that needs to be done. 

Here, you can break that big item into smaller, actionable items to move towards completion. “Clean out the closet” can feel daunting and leave this on your to do list for weeks when you don’t know where to start. Instead, try putting the smaller steps down: “Go through sock drawer, remove dresses that don’t fit anymore, donate shoes I no longer wear, etc”

When you’ve finished your brain dump, now you just need to decide what needs to be done when. Look at the calendar and your personal responsibilities, and decide where there’s time to complete these tasks. 

When you assign a time, stick to it, and show up at that time ready to complete the task at hand!

What We Do With the Plan Matters

We can’t just stop at planning. Most importantly, am I actually showing up to do what I’ve planned? 

When we keep our word to ourselves, we’re agreeing with what we’re called to be. We’re showing up for our life purpose filled and ready to partner with God. When we don’t show up, when we push things off arbitrarily, we’re giving our circumstances and feelings more weight. Each time we slide into this, it becomes a little easier to do so the next time. We’re creating a path in our brain that is easier and easier to default to. 

What we plan is important, but how we show up is even more so. 

Do what you set out to do. Keep your word to yourself. As you continue to show up, your brain learns you can be trusted. You follow through. You partner with God on the mission He’s set before you, and in taking these little steps faithfully, you continue to bring Him glory. 

Are you keeping your word to yourself or do you continually deflect what you should be doing in favor of what feels good at the time? How will you show up and stand in the mission God has called you to right here?

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What are you REALLY thinking? https://momlifebydesign.com/what-are-you-really-thinking/ https://momlifebydesign.com/what-are-you-really-thinking/#respond Thu, 12 Jan 2023 15:34:23 +0000 https://momlifebydesign.com/?p=1403

According to Healthline, it’s estimated that you have over 6,000 thoughts a day – or about 6.5 thoughts each minute while you’re awake.

Our brains are always active and working, providing us input on the world around us and our perceptions of it. Many of these 6.5 thoughts a minute are subconscious, and whether we know it or not, they are shaping our lives.

If we want to change where we are, it is essential to understand what’s actually going on in our brains.

While it’s impossible to document every single thought, we can intentionally spend time each day connecting with our minds and putting to paper what’s floating around in there. The morning is an excellent time to write down your thoughts and see what’s actually going on.

Grab a journal, blank piece of paper, or open a blank Google doc – whatever works best for you. There’s no one way to journal. You only need a space to free-write all the thoughts swirling around in your brain. Find somewhere comfortable, and settle in.

Starting at the top of the page, just begin writing what’s on your mind. If the blank page is intimidating, start with the weather or how you slept the night before. Once you get some words down, it usually begins to flow.

Whatever comes to mind, write it down. The grocery list. Something you’re anxious about. An event you’re looking forward to. How you’re struggling with one of your children’s attitudes. Whatever comes up, write it down and keep going!

Before we go any further, though, I want to caution you about a pitfall most of us fall victim to every now and then.

When we uncover thoughts that aren’t the most pleasant, we’re tempted to do one of two things:

  1. Rewrite them with a positive spin before we even write them down OR
  2. Shame ourselves for thinking a “bad” thought

To understand our minds more, we have to be curious. All thoughts are allowed. There are no “bad” or “good” thoughts – only thoughts.

Being honest with yourself during this process will help you to move forward in the direction you want. When we cover up these thoughts with either avoiding them or burying ourselves in guilt, it does nothing to process them productively and move forward.

It just buries them deeply, and we will continue thinking them unchecked.

This process is helpful for actually seeing what you’re thinking. Our thought patterns are well worn and we often don’t even know what’s creating the things that are frustrating us.

When we take the time to get curious with our thoughts, we can see how we’re giving away our power, how we’re playing the victim, how we are waiting for circumstances to change, and how we’re contributing to our pain.

Whether or not they are true, it doesn’t matter. What we give thought space to, we allow to grow.

If you’re ready to start intentionally taking your thoughts captive and creating the world you desire, The Busy Mom’s Guide to Generating Joy is a perfect first step. This practical 11-page downloadable PDF is available to you instantly, and it’s HALF OFF right now!

This guide includes the 5 step process of creating more joy, journal prompts and space to put your thoughts on paper, and bonus ideas of new thoughts to practice. You can use it over and over again as you grow in renewing your mind!

Are your thoughts creating results you like? If not, what are you going to do moving forward?

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16 Things Every Mom Needs to Hear https://momlifebydesign.com/16-things-every-mom-needs-to-hear/ https://momlifebydesign.com/16-things-every-mom-needs-to-hear/#respond Tue, 30 Nov 2021 16:14:35 +0000 https://momlifebydesign.com/?p=371 Motherhood is hard. It’s a journey with deep valleys and strenuous treks to reach the highest peaks, only to turn around and slog back down. There are things every mom needs to hear along the way, but it can be lonely.

When we look to motherhood for validation, it’s not here. There are beautiful, hard-won moments, sure, but for the majority of the time, you feel unfit and lacking wisdom for the job ahead. 

It’s why we look to others for advice, for how-tos. We seek out those who seem to have it together more than we do and copy what they’re doing. 

In reality, none of us know what we’re doing. And there’s no one right way to be a mom. Just as we’re all gifted with individual personalities and gifts, we show up to motherhood with unique perspectives and ways to navigate. Different isn’t wrong. Hard isn’t bad.

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The things I write at Mom Life by Design aren’t a how-to manual, because I deeply believe one can’t be written. Nor is there one way to do this thing. It’s a joining of hands, a word of encouragement, a shift of perspective. It’s pushing the reset on this one wild life you’ve been given and learning to lean into the one who entrusted you with your children.

In Him is the only place our validation comes, and even then, it’s not because of our works. It’s because of His goodness that we can be good. 

If you’re weary, at the end of your rope, or feeling like you’re the biggest hot mess there ever was, you’re in the right place. My prayer is this site won’t tell you the to-dos you need, but it will remind you of who you are. And whose you are. 

And that, friend, is just what my tired mom heart needs to keep on.

One way I’ve been able to use self-care to renew my mind on motherhood is by practicing positive affirmations. There are things every mom needs to hear, and by repeating them to ourselves, we are able to focus on what we want to create in our lives. There’s power in our words, and when we choose to speak life to ourselves daily, it brings to life the attitudes and responses we desire to cultivate.

We don’t have to wait for others to speak truth and life into our day because we can do it for ourselves. What we think often becomes our reality, and our inner voice can often not be kind. It’s important that we retrain ourselves to speak positively and kindly, as we are the only people we will spend the entirety of our lives with.

I’ve found that pocket cards help me to remember my focus, and allow me to always have truth at hand.

I’d love to share 16 printable affirmation cards with you to encourage you on the journey. Grab your free printable affirmation cards of things every mom needs to hear below!

grey and pink positive affirmation cards with white overlay text "16 printable affirmation cards." Each card has a positive affirmation of things mom needs to hear.

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