thoughts | Mom Life By Design

Here be Dragons

Melissa — Fri, 17 May 2024 14:56:42 +0000

On old maps, they used to mark unknown territory with images of beasts and dragons. Motherhood is a lot like living in the land of dragons – uncharted and a little scary at times, but also full of magic and mystery. We can let that be a downer, and focus on all the ways that makes things so hard, or we can see it as an opportunity to blaze our own trail. If you’re with me in the latter, grab your machete and let’s dive in!

I know I might be in the minority, but I LOVED school. Not only did learning come easily to me, there was so much comfort in knowing everything was plotted out for me.

Seeing that in black and white makes my creative side revolt a little, but it’s true.

I was working my way from Point A to Point B with a clear path marked out in between. I knew when I was on track, and I also knew when I was lost in the woods and needed to find the path again.

And I can follow a plan like nobody’s business.

While this worked out perfectly for my post-graduate studies, it woefully underprepared me for life.

More than once, I’ve wished someone would just tell me what to do. Give me my next steps to get somewhere meaningful, whatever that meant.

And that’s the problem – I didn’t know where I wanted to go, I just wanted the comfort of taking some action towards something.

The problem is, action for action’s sake doesn’t lead you to what you want. It leads you to someone else’s end destination.

I’m learning (because it takes a while to un-do programming we’ve practiced again and again, right?) that I’m the best captain of my ship, metaphorically speaking. My first job is to mark where I want to go, and then I get to chart a course towards my destination.

But once you’re out to sea, it’s fraught with complications like unpredictable weather. So, one day at a time, you get to show up and choose what the day holds. How to navigate the specific stretch of ocean in front of you in that day. Someone from the shore doesn’t know all the details, and can’t give you the best advice. But you know because you’re right in the middle of it.

If you’re ready to put on your Captain’s hat, the first order of business is to decide where you want to go. If you’re like me and have relied on others for your next steps, it can be so hard to even know what you want.

A great first step is to start thinking through the 10 journal prompts below to rediscover yourself when you’re feeling lost in the middle of motherhood.

I know that journaling can sound overwhelming when your to-do list is already full. But you don’t need hours – just give yourself 5 minutes to start thinking, one question at a time, and see where it leads.

Armed with this free resource and a 5-minute timer, you’ll be well on your way to exactly where you want to go.

Find Yourself Again When You Feel Lost in Motherhood

Mama, the world needs YOU. It’s so common to come out of the mom fog and realize you don’t know who you are anymore. Get back in touch with you, your dreams and desires, and create the life you want starting today. I’ve got 10 free journal prompts for you to get back on the path right here.

Send them to me!

Start today

Take the First Step

If you feel like you don’t know who you are or what you want anymore, Mama – you’re not alone. I’d love to help you start to find yourself again with these free journal prompts to help you reflect on where you want to go!

What are you REALLY thinking?

Melissa — Thu, 12 Jan 2023 15:34:23 +0000

According to Healthline, it’s estimated that you have over 6,000 thoughts a day – or about 6.5 thoughts each minute while you’re awake.

Our brains are always active and working, providing us input on the world around us and our perceptions of it. Many of these 6.5 thoughts a minute are subconscious, and whether we know it or not, they are shaping our lives.

If we want to change where we are, it is essential to understand what’s actually going on in our brains.

While it’s impossible to document every single thought, we can intentionally spend time each day connecting with our minds and putting to paper what’s floating around in there. The morning is an excellent time to write down your thoughts and see what’s actually going on.

Grab a journal, blank piece of paper, or open a blank Google doc – whatever works best for you. There’s no one way to journal. You only need a space to free-write all the thoughts swirling around in your brain. Find somewhere comfortable, and settle in.

Starting at the top of the page, just begin writing what’s on your mind. If the blank page is intimidating, start with the weather or how you slept the night before. Once you get some words down, it usually begins to flow.

Whatever comes to mind, write it down. The grocery list. Something you’re anxious about. An event you’re looking forward to. How you’re struggling with one of your children’s attitudes. Whatever comes up, write it down and keep going!

Before we go any further, though, I want to caution you about a pitfall most of us fall victim to every now and then.

When we uncover thoughts that aren’t the most pleasant, we’re tempted to do one of two things:

Rewrite them with a positive spin before we even write them down OR
Shame ourselves for thinking a “bad” thought

To understand our minds more, we have to be curious. All thoughts are allowed. There are no “bad” or “good” thoughts – only thoughts.

Being honest with yourself during this process will help you to move forward in the direction you want. When we cover up these thoughts with either avoiding them or burying ourselves in guilt, it does nothing to process them productively and move forward.

It just buries them deeply, and we will continue thinking them unchecked.

This process is helpful for actually seeing what you’re thinking. Our thought patterns are well worn and we often don’t even know what’s creating the things that are frustrating us.

When we take the time to get curious with our thoughts, we can see how we’re giving away our power, how we’re playing the victim, how we are waiting for circumstances to change, and how we’re contributing to our pain.

Whether or not they are true, it doesn’t matter. What we give thought space to, we allow to grow.

If you’re ready to start intentionally taking your thoughts captive and creating the world you desire, The Busy Mom’s Guide to Generating Joy is a perfect first step. This practical 11-page downloadable PDF is available to you instantly, and it’s HALF OFF right now!

This guide includes the 5 step process of creating more joy, journal prompts and space to put your thoughts on paper, and bonus ideas of new thoughts to practice. You can use it over and over again as you grow in renewing your mind!

Are your thoughts creating results you like? If not, what are you going to do moving forward?

16 Things Every Mom Needs to Hear

Melissa — Tue, 30 Nov 2021 16:14:35 +0000

Motherhood is hard. It’s a journey with deep valleys and strenuous treks to reach the highest peaks, only to turn around and slog back down. There are things every mom needs to hear along the way, but it can be lonely.

When we look to motherhood for validation, it’s not here. There are beautiful, hard-won moments, sure, but for the majority of the time, you feel unfit and lacking wisdom for the job ahead.

It’s why we look to others for advice, for how-tos. We seek out those who seem to have it together more than we do and copy what they’re doing.

In reality, none of us know what we’re doing. And there’s no one right way to be a mom. Just as we’re all gifted with individual personalities and gifts, we show up to motherhood with unique perspectives and ways to navigate. Different isn’t wrong. Hard isn’t bad.

The things I write at Mom Life by Design aren’t a how-to manual, because I deeply believe one can’t be written. Nor is there one way to do this thing. It’s a joining of hands, a word of encouragement, a shift of perspective. It’s pushing the reset on this one wild life you’ve been given and learning to lean into the one who entrusted you with your children.

In Him is the only place our validation comes, and even then, it’s not because of our works. It’s because of His goodness that we can be good.

If you’re weary, at the end of your rope, or feeling like you’re the biggest hot mess there ever was, you’re in the right place. My prayer is this site won’t tell you the to-dos you need, but it will remind you of who you are. And whose you are.

And that, friend, is just what my tired mom heart needs to keep on.

One way I’ve been able to use self-care to renew my mind on motherhood is by practicing positive affirmations. There are things every mom needs to hear, and by repeating them to ourselves, we are able to focus on what we want to create in our lives. There’s power in our words, and when we choose to speak life to ourselves daily, it brings to life the attitudes and responses we desire to cultivate.

We don’t have to wait for others to speak truth and life into our day because we can do it for ourselves. What we think often becomes our reality, and our inner voice can often not be kind. It’s important that we retrain ourselves to speak positively and kindly, as we are the only people we will spend the entirety of our lives with.

I’ve found that pocket cards help me to remember my focus, and allow me to always have truth at hand.

I’d love to share 16 printable affirmation cards with you to encourage you on the journey. Grab your free printable affirmation cards of things every mom needs to hear below!