Who’s Got Time For Self Care?

As a mom, you’re told to take time for yourself. “You can’t pour from an empty cup!”

And yet you keep pouring. You’re too busy putting everyone else’s needs above yours.

You keep thinking you need a break. A moment to catch your breath and think a thought.

But that to-do list never ends, someone always needs you, and you just feel so depleted.

What are you supposed to do?

I have a great place to start, but before we dive in, let’s talk about what self-care truly is.

We’ve been fed a lie that self-care is pampering and indulgence. And on the other end of the spectrum, people try to sell basic hygiene as self-care for busy moms. I don’t think we have to swing wildly either way – there’s a sweet spot right in the middle.

My simplest definition of self-care is anything that feeds your soul.

Our to-do lists are full of tasks that move the needle, but devoid of things that are soul nourishing. If you’re ready for a change, here’s where I start.

1. Check Your Thoughts

Your thoughts hold so much power. The way you tell yourself the story of what you’re experiencing creates all kinds of emotions within you. Are your thoughts serving you and creating what you want?

For example, if you’ve got the thought “Nothing gets done unless I do it” playing on a loop in your head, you’re training yourself to look for all the ways this thought is true. This probably builds up emotions of frustration, resentment, and pressure. You keep doing all the things – but with bitterness – and this seeps out on your people.

What if instead you practiced a thought like “I do things better from a place of rest.” You can find evidence for this thought too. It’s not that one thought is true and the other is false – but that you get to choose where you focus. This thought brings more peace and allows you the space to take a moment while in the middle of a busy day.

2. Determine What You’re Wanting

When you say you need a break, what do you mean? What do you need a break from? What would give you life in this moment?

We often don’t take the time to actually consider what we’re wanting in this break we say we need, and we just fill it with a mindless activity like doomscrolling that doesn’t fill our soul.

Do you need rest? Quiet? A moment of fun? Creativity? Laughter? What is it, right now, that you’re wanting?

3. Make a Plan

Once you answer the questions above, you’re in a great place to make a plan, because you know where you want to go.

Just like you make a to-do list of all the things that need to be taken care of, you need to be taken care of too.

What are you going to to for self-care? Where will it go in the schedule? What do you need to have prepared?

4. Keep Your Word to Yourself

Most importantly, do what you said you were going to do. Become a trustworthy person to yourself – someone who makes a plan and follows it.

If you need a jumping-off point for a few self-care ideas, here are some of my favorites:

• • When the kids are present/with you: go for a walk, color, dance party, play a game, tea party, nature scavenger hunt, tell jokes, sing
  • When you need a time out: put on a show and do something nourishing for yourself (not catch up on tasks, work, or doomscroll): listen to a podcast or book, your favorite music, read, do something creative (paint, draw, color, bake etc), journal
  • When you tap in someone else to care for the kids: take a bath, catch up with friends, make and enjoy a mocktail, meditate (The Balance app is a great resource to start), feel your feelings